But I can’t help envying the strength of character that allowed Nancy to reject convention and fully explore the sexual side of her nature that had unexpectedly been awakened. I am envious of the confidence she had to walk into unknown situations, do new and exciting things with strange new men and get the very best out of them.And yes, I envy her the large quantities of adventurous sex she single-mindedly pursued and, if my correspondent is correct, is still pursuing.But I do not envy the effect her choices must have had on her husband and children.This for me, was the deciding factor; the point at which our histories diverge; the point where, faced with similar decisions and despite the undeniable attraction of the path she chose, I decided to take another.I don’t regret my choice; my life continues to be exciting in every respect. But having had enough of that particular forbidden fruit to know how good it tastes, I cannot help wondering what might have been.Perhaps if I had had a. The monster, it seemed, was always a few days ahead of them. ‘I’ve brought some pretty drawings for you to look at,’ said Keme, slowly releasing the child. Evelin merely giggled, but she stayed by his side. Keme took out the map and rolled it out on the floor. ‘Toot-toot’s maps are prettier than yours,’ said the girl. Keme had no humour in his heart to appreciate the unfitting nickname for the somber worn man, but smiled merrily at Evelin. ‘Altwar,’ said Evelin, holding a hand over the map, her eyes went vacant. ‘Aaaltwar.’ ‘Don’t let her near a map before you’re ready to ask your questions,’ said the worn man and pulled Evelin’s hand away from the map. ‘She sees too much.’ The child was rocking in a trance of the sight. ‘What do you see?’ asked Keme. The girl opened her mouth and laughed madly ‘Specify your question, fool,’ said the worn man. ‘She sees too much, it’s tearing her mind apart.’ ‘The spider,’ said Keme. ‘Can you see the spider.’ ‘Spiders like to eat,’ said the girl and.
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